Have you ever wondered how to start and maintain open relationships with a number of different girls at the same time? In this post I’m going to explain how you can make this your reality without ever lying, or otherwise compromising your integrity or a woman’s trust. Understand that this lifestyle isn’t for everybody… Many men really prefer to date one girl at a time, exclusively. There’s nothing wrong with, or anything less exciting about serial monogamy if it’s what a person really wants. There definitely ARE logistics involved in seeing several girls at once, but they’re relatively simple. The real challenge is becoming the kind of guy with whom women feel comfortable enough to embrace this arrangement in the first place!
The Double Standard & A Non-Judgmental Attitude
The first step in becoming this kind of guy is to understand that women are expected to lead double lives, in which their decisions to sleep with guys simply because they feel like it, are met with massive disapproval from their moms, their dads, their churches, their own friends and just about everybody else! Even most men (including the ones that hook up with these girls) think less of women who «sleep around», and label them «sluts», a nasty-sounding word that’s meant to shame women for merely exercising their freedom of choice and celebrating their sexuality.
On the other hand, if men sleep with as many women they want, for no other reason but that they like them and enjoy their company, they’re seldom demonized the way women are, and are in fact ADMIRED in their peer groups as being «players». So, if women exercise their free will and sleep with the guys whom they like, they’re bad sluts, while men who sleep around are «players». Does that sound as messed up to you as it does to me??
If you want women to become comfortable enough with you that they’ll sleep with you with no strings attached, you have to recognize this unfair double standard and stop judging women for how they choose to lead their lives. They are having fun, and you would do the same thing in their places…you’ve just never felt the pressure like they feel it! Women generally don’t go to bed with guys who judge them for going to bed with guys… And think about it, getting good at sex takes practice, so the more practice a woman has had, the more fun YOU will have with her! Being with many guys doesn’t make her less of a woman or a lover, it makes her more of both!
Are you tired of hearing me talk about honesty yet?? An open relationship is open but it’s still a relationship, and any healthy relationship is built on honesty. On your very first meeting, tell the woman you’re with directly that you’ll always be 100% honest with her, and that you see other women. This doesn’t come from a place of presumption, superiority or disrespect…you are simply letting her know who you are, and exactly what it is that you’re offering. She may take you up on it, or she may decide that it’s not what she’s looking for. Either way, she’ll respect you for giving her the straight dope and not wasting her time. Most guys misrepresent themselves to get a woman into bed, and when they succeed, they often unveil the «real» them after the deed is done. Women do this too, unfortunately, and it leads to feeling like you’ve been used and cheated – a most disgusting sensation. By setting all expectations from the start, you respect her free will to choose. What honesty accomplishes is it makes it easy for her to choose YOU!
It’s perfectly normal to feel a pang of jealousy when a girl you’re seeing comes to you and tells you about another guy she’s seeing. The important thing here is to recognize and accept the feeling and remind yourself that you don’t own each other – your relationship is rooted in your free, voluntary desire to be with one another to the degree that it suits you both at any given time. When she tells you about another guy, be happy for her that she’s enjoying herself, and be happy for the guy she’s seeing, because he gets to experience the joy of spending time with a wonderful girl. I realize that this is a tall order for many guys to swallow, but consider that jealousy has absolutely no practical value to you, so entertaining it would be an unproductive waste of time and energy. The more women you have in your life, the more these intellectual learnings make sense on a gut level, and after a time, you will rarely feel anything but happiness for a woman who spends her time away from you in ways that make her happy.
Popular notions of what makes for a healthy relationship are totally effed up. It is my unshakeable conviction that when ANY relationship stops being fun, it’s time to move on. You hear all this talk about «working on a relationship». You know that one friend you have (or had) that always makes you feel good about yourself, respects you, gives you space and never tries to secure some sort of commitment or obligation from you with guilt or other shameful tactics? Do you have to «work on your relationship» with that person? Of course not! If a relationship needs work, that means it doesn’t work on its own. One of the surest ways to kill the fun and ease in a relationship is to demand, in any form, that the other give up any of his/her freedom. If you ask it of her, you must also be willing to accept her freedom to the same extent. It’s only fair.
Don’t Kiss And Tell
An important aspect of this kind of relationship is discretion. I tell women very quickly that I don’t kiss and tell. No matter how non-chalant and progressive her attitude, it makes a woman feel badly when you talk about other women, and there’s no NEED to discuss other lovers with her, past or present. You’re here with her NOW and that’s the only lover who matters at the moment. This can take some practice…
Women also need to be able to trust in a man’s discretion because if she feels like she’s gambling on her reputation with you, she’ll just find another guy can enjoy her company and keep his mouth shut. Most of the time, when a guy blabs about girls he’s seeing or has been with, he’s seeking approval – a pat on the back – for his great «accomplishment». This is a terrible habit to get into and nobody likes a braggart, least of all the braggart, himself. What you share with a woman in bed is incredibly intimate and why would you want anybody else sharing in that intimacy…it dilutes and cheapens it and another person couldn’t possibly understand what it means to the girl and you, so why waste your breath? Male culture rewards bragging and it may take some time to learn how to hold your tongue. I work on it every day.
Your Terms & Your Word
Sometimes a woman will outwardly accept this arrangement, but rather than enjoy it for what it is, she’ll begin to hint at exclusivity with you or subtly begin to manipulate you. She may ask you, for instance, not to see other women on the same days that you see her. Since this seems like a perfectly harmless request, let’s say you agree. You then realize that this contract – because that’s what it is – limits your freedom and options, and you begin to feel resentful. But you gave your word and it’s important to keep it. This kind of mistake can easily cost you a relationship, or several at the same time. So be very, very clear about your terms, NEVER give your word out in haste, and ALWAYS keep it once you’ve given it. A good thing to do when you’re confronted with this kind of scenario is to simply say, «hmm…I’m going to have think about that and get back to you.» There’s no rush to decide how you feel about something and it’s a good idea to go home and think about it without the pressure of her being right there and awaiting your response.
Sometimes things get complicated and certain relationships lose their zest or just aren’t fun all of a sudden. If you stick to honesty and keep the lines of communication wide open, and remind yourself that you’re NEVER under any obligation to stick around past the point where things are enjoyable for you, these kinds of open relationships will generally go your way, her way, and hopefully she’ll go both ways, too!